My why.
I'm Courtney. Alexander's mama.
A few words about who Alexander was, coming soon.
Music always played a special role in our lives. It was a source of communication between Alexander and me. When he couldn't say the words, he could hum the tunes and hit the notes. Music symbolized a language we shared.
After my son, Alexander, died from diffuse anaplastic Wilms tumor (pediatric kidney cancer), it took everything I had to take life one breath at a time. That's all I could do.
On the really hard days when I wanted to crawl out of my skin, I'd simply put on my shoes and walk. After 20, 30 or 40 minutes, I'd come back feeling a little lighter (albeit still heartbroken) to carry on.
The other small comfort I found was talking and meeting with other bereaved parents. Finding a small community of grieving parents who truly understood helped me feel less alone.
"Community doesn't take away the hurt, but it can make living with it feel a little less lonely."
So no one has to look this hard.
After Alexander died, I searched for support groups, organizations, therapists - anything to try and process the unfathomable fact that my son had died. I knew I needed to find other grieving parents to talk to. People who understood what this felt like.
What surprised me was how difficult this turned out to be. While I found a few notable resources, they didn't end up being a good fit. I was even turned down due to limited groups only focusing on parents who had older children. Yes, I was turned down twice, because my son was too young.
I couldn't believe what I thought existed, didn't. I felt it needed to, and so I created griefy mama.
I'm not a therapist. I don't have the secret prescription to filling that hole in your heart, but I do hope we can provide one more resource for parents who are looking for a community that understands. If it does resonate with you, I'm so glad you found us. And I'm so sorry you had to.
Where this is going.
- A foundation in Alexander's name funding pediatric cancer research
- A book about our story
- griefy walks in cities across the country
- Helping workplaces support grieving employees